Chortling

In a superhero story I am in the process of writing, who do you call when you need an infestation of vampires, werewolves, or zombies?

Do you call the Vatican? What if they're Jewish vampires? Do you call the FBI? What if they’re operating outside of the US?

Nah, you call the Center for Disease Control.

The CDC has a division dedicated to eliminating zombies, werewolves, and vampires. They’re just contagions of a different kind.

And mention is made of the “meme division” but apparently those boys are weird.

Flashing the CDC badge just makes me happy. And they’re chronically underfunded, so they have an excuse to ask random strangers to help. “Here, you hold her chest while I place the syringe…”

“Don’t you have to use an ash stake?”

“Not for a type 2b; an air embolism in the chest will do it. There you go. This fella here is a transformed super type, all scientific instead of mystical. Low chance of an outbreak with him.”

“And you killed him?”

“Nah. The embolism just puts him into an agitated state where his heart decays as fast as it regenerates. Keep him weak as a kitten until we get him to the Center.”

“RAAAAH!”

“Whoop. 7d instead of a 2b. Run!”