It turns out that I have a weakness for loser villains. I like them, and I think about ways to make them effective...or just funny.
In that spirit, here's the Griffin, a set of characteristics that never seem to amount to anything. Oh, the individual fight might be tough but he makes no plans and is obviously a pawn for others. Even Nick Fury uses him this way.
EXTERIOR PARK NIGHT.
CLOSEUP of someone laying down a Slim Jim, then stepping away.
SHOT OF DARKNESS and a SNUFFLING SOUND.
CUT TO the place where the Slim Jim was. It's gone.
PULL BACK to reveal CARR with a sack by his side, methodically laying down Slim Jims as he backs away.
CARRGood boy. That's a good boy.
SERIES OF CUTS showing CARR backing home, slowly, laying down Slim Jims all the way.
TITLE CARD: The Jobbers of Evil.
CUT TO INT LIVING ROOM. DUVAL and PARKS are on the couch.
DUVALWhat a day. First, I go to case a bank in Atlantic City, and it gets robbed while I'm there. Squirrel Girl got them. Amateurs. I mean, Squirrel Girl.
DUVALMerci. Then I went to buy some liquor--because of the stress--and discovered that in the confusion someone had lifted my credit card, the one I paid extra for so it wouldn't be questioned.
PARKSThe gold one.
DUVALSo I had to steal the liquor. Fortunately I was in the city. Won't be traced back here.
(Watches DUVAL drink)I had a rough day too. I had this craving for a s'more. Like you cannot believe. But when you're made of light, you can't.
PARKSGraham wafer, marshmallow, chocolate. Oh my god. Heaven. Better than sex.
DUVALWatch your mouth.
CARR enters and goes to the FRIDGE. He starts loading his sack with meat.
CARRHey, guys. Oh, hey, Paul, I borrowed that credit card of yours. I needed some Slim Jims.
DUVALThat's where it went. Slim Jims? They're like a Euro a pack.
CARRI needed six hundred. My credit card wouldn't cover it.
CUT TO INTERIOR THE PARKING GARAGE
DUVALWhy is the Griffin in our parking garage?
CARRI have a plan.
INTERIOR LIVING ROOM
PARKSIron Man first, then Hawkeye.
CARRThink of Hawkey as a warm-up.
DUVALPeople are going to find the Griffin, and we'll be found. You know what that means.
CARRSee, I was thinking you could petrify him. We could store him that way. We have an empty storage space.
DUVALI'm not going down every hour to stone him again. What if I'm late?
(beat)Besides, the storage area is full.
CARRFull? We don't have anything--
PARKSThis is why you disappear every hour. You're not smoking at all.
DUVALLinda. She likes it. Being stoned, I mean.
CARRThat's just one person. We could still--
DUVALWell, she called two friends, and they called...
CARRHow many are there?
PARKSWait...you're storing them there?
DUVALI make a little cash from renting it. It's off the books.
CARR and PARKS look at him.
Just at night. It's cheaper than an apartment.
(beat)And some of them pay me with favours.
CARRHow many? Total I mean, not favours.
DUVAL pulls out a small notebook, pages through it.
DUVALSeventeen...no, sixteen, because Miranda went back to her mother.
CARRPaul, we've got the Griffin in our parking garage. I figured you'd be able to store him. You can't if the storage room is full.
DUVALWell, that's why it was a bad idea for you to lure the Griffin.
CARROkay. We've got three doctorates between us, we can figure this out.
PARKSWhat about that polymer you invented that makes the change permanent?
DUVALKills them. And I like Linda. And Sophie. And, mon Dieu, Jennifer. How could I forget Jennifer?
CARRI'm a little uncomfortable with mass murder anyway.
CARRTrying being a black man with an academic degree and a criminal record.
PARKSTrying being a light beam.
DUVALGentlemen... Mes amis. We have a problem here.
PARKSRight. Can we train the Griffin? Calvin got him to eat the Slim Jims.
CARRYou've never had a dog. We can't train him in one night.
DUVALI have an idea.
CUT TO INT PARKING GARAGE ELEVATOR
CARRIt does make sense.
PARKSI will not be a laser pointer to lure him away. I have my dignity.
DUVALLook, we have the Griffin during the day and the women at night. Until we figure out what to do with him.
CARRI wonder if Purina makes a chow for him?
(The others are looking at him.)He can hunt for his own food at night.
PARKSI can't eat. I can't drink. I refuse to become a laser pointer.
(Inspired)We'll watch Voyager with you.
DUVALSeven of Nine is very hot.
PARKWho cares? The holodeck. Hard light...so very, very hard...
(He can't believe he's saying this.)Yes. The holodeck is very...hot.
PARKSEvery episode with the holodeck?
(thinks)I'll do it.
TITLE CARD: The Jobbers of Evil.